let it happen

i had a great workout, for the second night in a row. last night was 30 minutes on the elliptical, tonight was a 2.5 mile run. i felt great until about mile 2. at that point i just kept trying to figure out how long i could last. the most frustrating thing is that i was running at a slightly slower pace than i normally do, but feeling more exhausted. i blame this (mostly) on the treadmill. 

when i run outside, even when i become fatigued, i at least feel as though i am going somewhere. there's a physical destination. a motivation. if i get tired, i slow down. but i'm always moving forward. on a treadmill, i feel like a damn hamster that never goes anywhere- no matter how hard i try. 

in my relationship with running, i have figured out one truth: ultimately, it's a mental exercise. one of the things i love most about running is how you can get lost in your thoughts. since it's a pretty basic movement, you can think about things other than your stride. sometimes the thoughts influence your pace. and sometimes you can think about absolutely NOTHING. running is the only way i can accomplish that. 

the treadmill doesn't allow my thoughts to flow as freely as the road does. in fact, i find that my thoughts greatly mirror the concept of the treadmill. completely repetitive with no real progression whatsoever. the thoughts actually start to work against me. all i can think about is how tired i am, i'm not actually going anywhere, why am i doing this? at this point i'm at 2.2 miles and... like magic... kanye + ipod saves the day: Stronger. and for the last 0.3 miles i actually am. 

and when it's over i'm glad it's over. and i'll do it again tomorrow.